Surpassing Worth

There is nothing visually beautiful about a crucifixion. Yet, Jesus' crucifixion the most beautiful event in all of history, and will remain so until He comes back. The physical pain he endured was nothing compared to the weight of sin He carried. The weight of our sin. I will never comprehend that pain. It's like experiencing every sin I've ever committed in one moment. It makes me want to throw up. But Jesus endured that for me and for everyone in ONE moment during the passion. That's anguish. 

Our English word for anguish or agony comes from agape, which describes God's deep and pure love for us. Agape is the most intimate love. The implications of it are life-changing and soul-shaking. 

The anguish in Jesus as he hung and bled on the tree was that He loved us SO much that it hurt him. It PAINED him. Isaiah 53:10-11 says: 

"Yet it was the will of the LORD to crush him; 

he has put him to grief, when his soul makes an offering for guilt, 

he shall see his offspring; he shall prolong his days; 

the will of the LORD shall prosper in his hand. 

Out of the anguish of his soul he shall see and be satisfied; 

by his knowledge shall the righteous one, 

my servant, make many to be accounted righteous, 

and he shall bear their iniquities."

"Out of the anguish of his SOUL." This is what holy anguish looks like. It's an excruciatingly beautiful love. It's painful love. 

About a week ago, I came back to the States from a week long vision trip to East Asia. As my friends were excited about being back in the West, I kept thinking to myself "I want to go back home to East Asia." I don't hate America so please don't hear me saying that. East Asia is my heart and it's my home. Ask me to explain it and you will not have a definitive answer. I can't give one (but please ask me about it sometime!). Out of the anguish of my soul, I love this place. But I have no idea when I will get to go back and it feels like I have to sacrifice it.

Are we willing to sacrifice something we love out of the anguish of our soul? If all I'm left with is Jesus...will it be enough? By His grace...YES. Certainly. 

If Jesus loved me out of the anguish of his soul and loved me so much that He extended open hands on the cross to be nailed, then surely, He will enable me by grace to open my hands to Him. 

Even if it means sacrificing that which I love out of the anguish of my soul, it's worth it because I would still be left with the one thing that matters most: Jesus. Even though I will falter in believing these things, I know that whatever God fills my hands back up with will be good because He is a good Father. 

It's easy for us to play the game of "If I just had _________, then my life would be _________" For me, it's "if I just had East Asia, then my life would make sense and have more meaning." This is a big, fat lie. If I had the perfect ministry and made millions...the best thing in my life would STILL be Jesus. If I graduated with a 4.0 GPA with $0 in loans, the best thing in my life would STILL be Jesus. If I had East Asia...the single most important and best thing in my life would STILL be Jesus. 

Are you getting the picture? King David once said "Because your love is better than life, I will praise you" (Psalm 63:3). Do you believe this? Do I? 

I love East Asia so much and the burden is so heavy that I literally feel it sometimes. The anguish can be paralyzing and I often find myself kicking and screaming and wondering why it feels that way. I know God has a wonderful plan for my life but I wrestle everyday with what I believe God is asking me to steward, which is this burden for East Asia. I ask "What am I supposed to do with THIS?" Or "What does this mean for my life." And yet...God continues to say "Stop. This is not about you, Jenny." 

God is weaving together a tapestry much bigger than anything we can see or imagine. Even though our lives are quick and we seem small, we are utterly SIGNIFICANT to complete the picture. Our lives are not our own. They were bought with a price. If we get caught up in thinking that we're the center of the tapestry we will miss out completely on the beauty of it all. God didn't create us to miss out on beauty or His greater plan. He created us to first know Him, love him and be loved by Him. And second...to emulate it in Him and to bring it to the ends of the earth.

I want to be a part of the tapestry, not believe the lie that I have my own. Yes, God's plan for my life...for YOUR life...is incredible on it's own because HE is the one planning. But it's even more incredible because He is using it in his redemptive plan. 

I don't want to miss out on being a part of this because I'm caught up in my tunnel vision of my own life. I don't want to miss out on it because I'm focused on the mission before the Savior. It's not okay for me...for us to get excited about the cause of Christ and not get excited about Christ Himself. We cannot desire only to do ministry like Jesus. We must first love the one who ministered to us. 

Of course, do ministry like Jesus and live like Him. But if we want to be like Jesus and live like Him, we cannot simply follow Him on the roads in Jerusalem and Bethlehem. We must also follow Him on the road to Gethsemane and Calvary. These imperfect little deaths we die point towards the perfect Jesus who said we must carry our cross daily and deny ourselves and deny ourselves of the things we hold so dear. God wants to bless us and give us people, gifts, etc. But not at the cost of our relationship with HIM. 

The reality is...NOTHING is better than Jesus. 

"But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ.

I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth 

of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. 

For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things 

and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him,
not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law,
but that which is through faith in Christ
--the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith.
I want to know Christ -- YES, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, 
attaining to the resurrection from the dead.
Not that I have already obtained this or have I already arrived at my goal,
but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.
Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.
But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining toward what is ahead,
I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

- Phillippians 3:7-14

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Prayer: The Work of Missions

John Piper gave a sermon in 1988 (a year before I was born!) about life being war. The following thoughts are all from the sermon.

Life is war. If we believed this, we would live differently. Satan targets unbelief and tries to create faithlessness.

We are not fighting a worldly war. During war, we are more cautious and frugal. Because of this we need armor. We must put on God's armor. And one of most powerful devices we will use during war is prayer.

Prayer is not a civilan device. The #1 reason why prayer "malfunctions" in the hands of believers is because they try to take a war-time walkie-talkie and turn it into a domestic intercom by which they ring up the maid for another pillow. We have tried to use prayer in luxurious places where it won't work or pick up a signal.

John 15:16 -- "You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit -- fruit that will last -- and so that whatever you ask in my name, the Father will give you.

God wants to answer prayer when fruit remains. Until we know that life is war, we will not know what prayer is for. Until we feel the desperation of a bombing raid and the thrill of a new strategic sensing, we'll never pray with the Spirit of Jesus.

So what do we do in order to live as praying people in the midst of war?

We embrace the sovereignty of God.

If you don't embrace God's sovereignty, you cannot consistently pray for God to bring a lost soul from death to life. You cannot consistently pray for unbelieving sinners to trust in Christ. If you don't embrace it, you can't be sure nor confident that the cause of Christ will triumph.

Romans 10:1 -- "Brothers, my heart's desire and prayer to God for the Israelites is that they may be saved." 

Can you truly pray like this?

In 1631, English missionary John Eliot crossed the Atlantic into Roxbury, MA. He invested time in prayer and learned the necessary languages to reach the Native American communities in the area. Through years of prayer and work and time, Native American communities began to believe in Jesus as their Lord and Savior. The communities then were known as "Praying Indians."

John said "Prayers and pains through faith in Jesus will do anything."

What is the place of prayer in global missions?

Bring words of life to all peoples, all nations, all places. To spread the Gospel.

The word of God -- the Gospel of the Kingdom -- is the weapon that God designed to use in penetrating the kingdom of darkness and gathering the children of light from all nations and complete His mission.

If you don't pray, God will still work. HE WILL NOT FAIL. But if you don't pray, you won't see the work through Christ's eyes. You'll see it from a worldly perspective.

God reigns over ALL. Do not limit our God to reigning only over America. We belittle His purposes and belittle Jesus death on the cross when we do that. So get it out of your minds that God is a God who only speaks English.

2 Thessalonians 3:1 -- "Brothers, pray for us, that the word of God may run and triumph" 

So we must pray..."Father, in accord with 2 Thessalonians 3:1, today in my life and in the world, cause Your word to run and triumph. Amen."

Prayer is the walkie-talkie on the battlefield of the world. It calls in to ask for the accurate location of the target of the Word. It calls in to ask of protection of air cover.

PRAY FOR THE VINDICATION OF THE CAUSE OF CHRIST.

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Will you take up your place in the kingdom? Will you pray for believers hearts to be revived? Will you intercede on behalf of those who cannot pray for their Gospel-starved souls to be fed by salvation in Christ?

Will we rise up as if we are the generation to see the Great Commission completed? We cannot accredit ourselves as worthy of seeing it completed. If we see it, it will be because God said "It was finished on the cross. Now it's THE time."

I don't know about you, but I don't want to miss out on this. I cannot limit my world simply to campus ministry, to Madison, WI or to America. Nor can I sit idle. We are not people who go and save the world. We are people who GO because God calls. And we get to watch as Jesus saves the world. But only if we are faithful to answer.

Pray for the harvest. So much of the soil needs tilling. But many patches of the world's harvest is being tilled and simply needs someone to say yes to being a harvester. So let's pray and let's be a part of seeing the Great Commission fulfilled.

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Good and Faithful

Today, I remembered that I am loved by Jesus. 

I am loved and redeemed. I have a purpose. My heart bleeds with a deep passion for music and a deep longing for redemption because the Savior of the world bled on the cross. His pain protected me from eternal separation. His love was lavished upon me as he bled. His scars saved me from certain death. His Spirit given to me when He ascended. 

I have life because He died. I am risen because he rose from the grave after three days. I can laugh because He is joy. I long for love because He is love. I cry because He is so good that it's painful. His love HURTS. 

I remember Jesus and who He is because He remembered me many many years ago when for the joy set before Him to know me...He said yes to the cross. Every day He remembers me as He intercedes on my behalf. Every day, He loves me. He doesn't do it out of obligation or habit, but out of a kind of love that does not exist here. 

It's a strong love. Unwavering with no conditions. Inexplicable without flaws. Incomparable to any earthly love. Real and scandalous. Heart-wrenching and death-defying. Affirming and full. Explosive and life-giving. 

When I sin, I can be confident that when I look at Him in confession and repentance, He looks at me and says:

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine." (Isaiah 43:1)

His grace abounds. His heart overflows to me and in me. His Spirit intercedes for me. Nothing can separate me from the love of my God through Jesus Christ.

I am more than convinced that there is nothing greater than this.

At the end of all things, I will answer to what I have done. What I haven't done. Who I was. 

My earthly rewards will not matter. My title as an intern with one of the biggest Christian non-profit organizations will not be acknowledged. God will not be impressed with my musical talents or how many times I led worship. My salary, or lack thereof, will be insignificant. 

What will be acknowledged is the love I had for Jesus in all things. God will look at me and ask the question..."Did you love Me? And did you love my people?" 

"Well done good and faithful servant. Now enter the joy of your master." (Matthew 25:23) 

God, the JUST, is satisfied to look on Jesus and pardon me. I'm reminded tonight that Jesus is the true good and faithful servant. And one day, I will be a co-heir with Christ, the one I nailed to the cross. I will share in His glory, even though I deserted Him time and time again for the fleeting joys of sin.

"Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty." (Psalm 91:1)

"I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you. Yet a little while and the world will see me no more, but you will see me. Because I live, you will also live." (John 14:18-19)

If this isn't grace and love, I don't know what is. 

I am safe in His keeping. I am loved and known. I will never be alone. For Yahweh, Author and Perfecter of my faith has promised me love and grace. He's dedicated to me. He's faithful to me despite my spiritual adultery. He will never leave me or desert me. 

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Carrying to Completion

God doesn't exist outside of His own plan for our lives. He's not off taking care of something while we wait here for Him to do something for us, with us. He is Emmanuel. God with us. 

When he places burdens in our lives and brings forth passions and gifts we didn't know we had, it is not for our purposes, but for His. He says "Here! Use this holy anguish and burden for my sake." He says "I will be with you to the end of the age." He says "I am HERE." 

He hasn't paused in His plan for me. He hasn't forgotten about me and my deep desire to see my dreams and passions and burdens come to completion. 

"In all my prayers for you, I always pray with joy 

because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, 

being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you 

will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." 

-Philippians 1:4-6

As I wait, He waits with me. He will bring things to completion. Every holy burden, every passion...HE will carry it on to completion. 

I will not carry it to completion...but HE will. 

He will do a good work in me, in His people and bring it to completion for the greater completion of the Great Commission. And as I wait, I don't want to miss out on what He has for me because I am distracted the deep desire to see completion now. 

He hasn't forgotten me. He knows me. I'm His daughter. Of course He knows me. 

He will make something beautiful from my life, from your life. He will take open hands and fill them. Open your hands...and let completion happen. 

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. 

See, I am doing a new thing! 

Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? 

I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the desert." 

- Isaiah 43:18-19

He is not distant. He knows me, He knows you. He is with us. As I battle sin and pray for freedom and pray for chains from sin to be broken, He is with me. 

"Let us know the LORD; let us press on to know the LORD. 

As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; 

he will come to us like the winter rains, 

like the spring rains that water the earth." 

- Hosea 6:3

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God Has Not Forgotten

An hour ago, not one but TWO explosions occurred at the finish line of the Boston Marathon. Two were killed and more than 80 were injured. It's currently unknown if the explosions were accidental or planned by someone. Either way, my first thoughts: Why, Lord? I don't get it. How do we mend things like this?" 

The answer: We don't. He does. He does everything. When we feel "broken," and recover from it, we are being made new. Our role is to respond in prayer, to respond in faithful obedience to the One who died so ALL people and all things could be made new. 

"I know God has not forgotten all that's lost and broken

So come and see the turning of the tides.

Come and see His sons and daughters rise.

For how could He who did not spare His Son,

not freely give us victory against the darkest of nights?"

In the words of my friend Marc Nettleton, "This is not the way our world was supposed to be. Everything is broken. But that doesn't mean we ought to give up hope. In fact, these events make life and this world matter all the more. There's urgency. Because this is not the end. All of this. all the brokenness is going to be undone. It will be redeemed. It will be reconciled. It will be treated with absolute justice. And it is all the more urgent because everyone on this earth will give an account. An account that will either point to the Cross as our only hope. . . or will point to our self (and the pile of evidence proving our own culpability in creating all this brokenness)."

“Get yourself ready! Stand up and say to them whatever I command you. Do not be terrified by them, or I will terrify you before them. Today I have made you a fortified city, an iron pillar and a bronze wall to stand against the whole land—against the kings of Judah, its officials, its priests and the people of the land. They will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the Lord." - Jeremiah 1:17-19

One day, all will be unbroken. Things will be made right.  This isn't a plea for world peace. It's a plea and prayer for restoration and complete rescue. Soon, the tabernacle will be here. God's dwelling place will be among men, again. We play a crucial part in restoration. By purging ourselves of what is killing us, our sin. By calling God's sons and daughters back. By reclaiming them for HIM. "Get ready..." Yahweh says, for He's making things new and is coming back.

"Behold, I am making things new...Behold, I am coming soon."-Jesus in Revelation 21:5, 22:7

Pray for Boston. Pray for those injured, for healing. Pray for understanding for the friends and families of the two victims killed. 

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Safety

Today was a weird day. In a good way. To make a long story short: I experienced anxiety for the 2nd time ever today. I don't mean the kind of anxiety that you feel when you have too much to do and have no idea how it's all going to get done. I mean the anxiety in which you feel constantly restless and unsettled without any reason. It confuses you and leaves you feeling really frustrated because no matter how hard you try...you can't figure out what's going on. You begin to feel really vulnerable...even crazy. 

Even after it all disappeared within a few hours, I found myself beginning to worry that the anxiety would return. Will I be free of this? Or will it continue? Weird, huh? The anxiety disappeared only to have me worry about it. I felt vulnerable and unsafe. Then I stumbled upon this song.

"I find that I'm safe and warm 
in your loving arms. 

You see me
You know me
You love me
Through and through." 

I was so fixated on figuring out why I was anxious that I forgot that my God's deep love for me and desire to know me is my refuge in the midst of something confusing and frustrating like anxiety. The call to follow Jesus has no guarantee of safety (in fact it calls for the opposite, check out Matthew 10:16). Jesus does not promise safety...but he promises refuge. Refuge is a place where we can dwell and be kept from harm.

"In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety." -Psalm 4:8

"You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance." -Psalm 32:7

 "He is a shield for all who take refuge in him." -2 Samuel 22:31 

"It is good to be near God." -Psalm 73:28 

"Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him...The LORD redeems the life of his servants; none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned." -Psalm 34:8, 22 

"In all circumstances, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one." - Ephesians 6:16

"The man who makes me his refuge will inherit the land and possess my holy mountain." - Isaiah 57:13 

"The LORD will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom. To him be glory for ever and ever. Amen." -2 Timothy 4:18 

These verses don't say "God will provide complete safety." They say "God is a shelter when life begins to throw unsafe things at you." These verses also don't say "God will be there for you when life gets hard." To say that is a direct slap in His face. It belittles Him! He's not just "there" for you.

He's everywhere for you.

He goes before you without leaving you behind. He guards you and watches you from behind without letting you get too far ahead of yourself. He's above you without being distant. He's Emmanuel, with you while being everywhere else all at once.

Jesus says "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28). He doesn't say "Come to me all who are weary and I'll take it all away." To grant rest to us during a tiring circumstance is not the same as taking it away. To take it away would be to give us the easy way out. How are we supposed to be made more like Christ without experiencing things He did?

"If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." -Luke 16:23

Jesus' cross was to carry our weight of sin. We will never have to carry that weight. He empathizes with me, with YOU in your sin because he already walked through the sin and took the blame for it.

"But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed. All like sheep we have gone astray; we have turned--every one--to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all." -Isaiah 53:5-6

Often, I try to comprehend what Jesus actually felt as he bore the weight of the world's sin by combining into one moment all the times I've ever felt guilt and shame. It makes me sick to my stomach to try to comprehend carrying the weight of sin for even one more person. My human nature would never be able to do that.

But this is not about what I can or cannot do. It's about what Jesus has finished. It overwhelms me and literally brings me to tears that Jesus did that for everyone. 

I have a God...Jesus...who sees me, knows me and loves me through and through because he gets it. 

This is my God.

He loves me through and through. 

Through bearing the weight of my sin, our sin. Through our idolization of people, things and places. Through our unfaithfulness. Through wanting to leave him because it's just too hard. Through our daily denial of Him. But he's loving us through all of it and waiting for us to return to the safety of His love and arms.

"Come, let us return to the LORD; for he has torn us, that he may heal us; he has struck down, and he will bind us up. After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will rise up, that we may life before him. Let us know; let us press on to know the LORD; his going out is sure as the dawn; he will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth." -Hosea 6:1-3

Even when I'm frustrated and sad that I was invited to NINE weddings this summer, none of which are even close to being mine, I am not alone...because God is everywhere. Even when my sin seems beyond forgiveness, I am redeemed because of his blood shed on the cross. When my dream of being in East Asia seems out of reach, God is closer than my skin is to my bones. When I feel like I'll never be good enough, I am reminded that in Christ, I don't need to strive to be anything except what He says I am

In Christ, we are redeemed, loved, known and seen by God. Not because we did anything. But all because of his great love for us. This is safety. This is refuge and it is nothing that I need to look for. It's here. It's everywhere, because God is everywhere.

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"I Am Satisfied in You"

Yes, Lord. 

As the deer pants for water

So my thirsts for you

And when I survey your splendor

You so faithfully renew

Like a bed of rest for my fainting flesh

I am satisfied in You

Let my pain reveal Your glory as my only real rest

Let me losses show me all I have is You

'Cause all I have is You

I am satisfied in You

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"Wandering Hearts. Home and Set Free."

This is an excerpt from a 30 minute documentary I just watched. 

“Some come [home] with boldness and urgency, sensing their inherited place. Others stoop on bended knee, scarcely believing the invitation. Some bare wounds and enter with hesitance and faltering hope. But it is the coming home that matters most. This final step shared by all. Acceptance is found within undeserved and scandalous favor. It is within the dial up of pain that many beautiful things acquire their value. And it is through great pain and sacrifice that this home is fashioned. A table is set. And the places long ago prepared are finally filled. Words always known, finally understood. Returned prodigals from a disappointing land look around their former home and remember who they really are. Wandering hearts who have come home to be free.” 

I'm encouraged and challenged by the work in Christ that Hillsong has accomplished. It's not about their music. Not about their pastors nor is it about how many Hillsong "campuses" exist worldwide. But it's about JESUS being known because the Spirit is REAL and dwells in the deepest parts of our sin-filled but redemption saturated souls and hearts. In Christ, we were all prodigal sons and daughters...called home to a Father awaiting to embrace us. Now we are called to extend the invitation to all others who have not yet found their prepared place at the table. God calls. We answer. 

"Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone. In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit."  -Ephesians 2:19-22

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