...Ben...

On Halloween, the Student Impact outreach team organized an outreach on langdon street where a few people handed out hot chocolate and talked to people about Jesus. So on the way to work (front info desk at the Union) on Halloween morning, I thought to myself something like, "Yeah...I could go. But everyone is going to be drunk and annoying and won't even remember anything anyone says. What's the point?" I was reluctant and didn't know if the outreach was worth going to. Fast forward about and hour or 2 when I sitting at work, reading a book for a religious studies class. At this point, I was pretty sure that I wasn't going to the outreach...just because I didn't want to put up with all of the drunk people out that night. But as I was reading, the author referenced the Bible when Jesus says "Father, forgive them...for they know not what they do." I have read that verse so many times. I've heard sermons on why Jesus said that and what He meant by it. But when I read it while I was at work...I felt a deep conviction that I was not thinking about people--specifically those who would be out on Halloween night--the way that Jesus would think about them. . That was when I knew I was supposed to go to that outreach.

I went...and had a conversation a guy named Ben and his friend. He was a senior in high school. I don't remember who or what he dressed up as...I don't know where he's from...I don't even know his last name. I could tell that he already had a drink or two. But I also knew he was somewhat sober. I asked his friend the question "how do you think someone gets to heaven?"...and he said "Just be a good person and do good things." That's when Ben stepped in and said "No. That's not right. You have to love Jesus. You have to believe that you're sinful and believe that you need Him as your Savior." At this point...his friend and wandered off a few feet away. That's when I asked Ben to tell me a little more about how he came to know that. He was in Colorado at a youth camp his sophomore year of high school. At that point in his life, he believed in God...had heard the Gospel...but still had a lot of doubts. He and his friends went to the top of this huge hill to pray and he snuck off. As he stood beneath the open sky looking at the stars...he prayed and asked God to show him a shooting star if He was real. In that second...Ben saw one, and knew that God was pursuing him and surrender His life to Jesus that night.

Then Ben told me that when he got back home, he experienced what we know as a "spiritual high." He was going to youth group...reading his bible and thirsty to know more about Jesus. Yes, he could have easily made up his story...but I knew that it was geniune. I knew because of how strongly I felt the Spirit there. I felt such a burden for him. He continued on and told me about how he got mixed up in the wrong group of friends. He started drinking and doing drugs regularly. He knew it was wrong...but continued anyway. He said that there would be times when he would come home, high...and just lay in bed and pray. He would talk to God. He would ask God to do something in his life because he didn't have the strength to stop doing drugs and drinking on his own. As he kept talking about the lifestyle he was living...I just listened. After talking for about 5-10 minutes about his life...Ben looked me in the eye and said "I just can't take it anymore." I knew the answer...but I wanted him to say it out loud. When I asked him what he couldn't take anymore...his friend nudged him and said they had to get going. As his friend pulled him away...Ben stepped back towards me and asked me what my name was. I told him and he said something I will never forget. He said "Well Jenny...I love you......because you love Jesus." Then he gave me a hug and walked away.

I don't think I'll ever see Ben again. It's very possible that Ben woke up the next morning oblivious to the conversation we had the previous night. And it's possible that Ben is still doing drugs and partying and living a life that he thinks he needs to live. But it's also possible that God changed him that night. It's possible that Ben is reading his bible and has been redeemed by Jesus. Its my hope and prayer that God used our conversation in Ben's life somehow. Even if it was in a slightest way.

If there's one passion that God has given me in the past 3 years, it's been a heart for the lost and hurting. I don't say that to boast...I say it because it's a burden that God has placed on my heart. Talking to Ben made me realize pain and struggle is so worth it when Jesus is there at the end of it with arms open. Talking to him made me realize that we cannot judge Madison according to the worldy standards that it has as a party school. Instead...we need to love Madison more. We need to love this world through Jesus' eyes. We need to love the people and our hearts need to break for them. As soon as we try to justify judgment on them...we have failed to love. We all know that there are people in our classrooms...people we work with and talk to everyday who need healing, redemption and freedom. Yes...we need to walk in the light. But we also need to BE the light. Do people know that you love Jesus? Are you praying for Madison? For your professors? For classmates? For your lab partner? For the people you walk by? PRAY. Pray that they would come to know Jesus. Pray for redemption in this city. In your family. In the world. We look at people and feel sorry for them and say "if they only knew Jesus," then continue on in our walks with Jesus not seeing that we are walking by and ignoring the people Jesus died to save. Are we doing anything to help them know Jesus? We aren't all called to GO or called into full time ministry. But we're called to love Jesus and FOLLOW him. I think we tend to think about the areas in life that we're following Him in and just improve those areas. But we...at least I never stop to think about how I'm NOT following Him. Just something to think about.

"How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, 'How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!'"--Romans 10:14-15

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MTVpyUOR_fI

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The least of these...

"Seek justice,
encourage the oppressed.
defend the cause of the fatherless
plead the case of the widow."
--Isaiah 1:17

Check out this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4NlyZqJhwk

If I don't watch this video daily...I forget that everything said in this video, is true. I once listened to a Francis Chan sermon about how we can anguish over things in our lives; the death of a loved one, a bad grade, money, singleness, etc. Then Francis said something that I completely agree with. Sometimes, we anguish TOO much. Not to say that we shouldn't mourn for people and things. It’s okay to anguish. But he talked about how we often don’t anguish enough over some things.

The things in this video are things I am passionate about. I’m passionate about bringing justice to the child soldier and love to the orphan and widow. . I’m passionate about rescuing the prostituted child and slave. In fact, there are days where I want to drop everything and go be with these people and just love them. But there are days where I feel like I don’t care as much. It’s not deliberate…but I just get caught up in something else and forget. Then I catch myself forcing myself to love them…then feel guilty because I didn’t anguish over these things that specific day. Not to say that we need to force ourselves to have a huge passion for everything. I’ve just come to the conclusion that, until I immerse myself into places of hunger, poverty, and injustice, I won’t be able to truly anguish over these people. It’s a moment by moment thing: loving. Maybe God does it that way so we neither forget or anguish too much.

That's something to ponder.

The following has become my life song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=87cpPjNkrVE

This song excites the heck out of me. Everytime I get scared about what the future holds...I listen to this and remember that whatever it holds...that Jesus will be there. And that should be enough. That IS enough. Often times we don't let it be. We live in the most privileged nation and consume the most advanced technologies and have incredible educations. Most importantly...we are exposed to a kind of love that other nations aren't as easily exposed to. God's love. The Great Commission isn't just important cause Jesus said it. It's important because, after loving God and loving Jesus...is what Jesus commanded us to do before ascending into heaven. It's the last thing he said on earth...I'd say that's kind of important. I'm excited for the Great Commission and for the Gospel. I'm excited that one day...every nation, tribe and tongue will bow before our Lord and proclaim that He is God and King. So get on board with me and let's do this.

I know...it's not that easy. Believe me, I know. But I pray that you would all join me in being part of the generation to love the world the way we are meant to and called to. Again...the Great Commission wasn't just a command. It was Jesus' last words to His disciples...and essentially, to us. So let's get to it brothers and sisters! Let's run this race for each other and for the least of these. Let's do it together and carry each others' burdens and rejoice in the successes God gives us. Let's be a light to this dark world and love Jesus with everything we have. I love you all!

Jenny

"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners..."
--Isaiah 61:1

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"Where words fail, music speaks"--Hans Christian Andersen

I'm not too sure where this blog is headed. All I know is that I want to give a thorough, but condensed reason for the name of this blog. I apologize in advance for a lack of flow, anything that doesn't make sense...and far too deep thoughts!

The following will explain why/how I named this blog. If you have 15 minutes to spare...watch and listen to the links following and you'll understand why I chose this title.

Explanation: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DRdFBAz4qzk
Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FI1sSZ1zTEs

Galatians 3:10-13--All who rely on observing the law are under a curse, for it is written: "Cursed is everyone who does not continue to do everything written in the Book of the Law. "Clearly no one is justified before God by the law, because, "The righteous will live by faith." The law is not based on faith; on the contrary, "The man who does these things will live by them. "Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us, for it is written: "Cursed is everyone who is hung on a tree."

(Verse 3:13 is where the 313 in my URL comes from)

Whether it's in school, relationships with family and friends, leading a bible study, doing ministry or in my faith...I find myself feeling inadequate quite often. If I'm honest, there isn't a day that goes by where I don't doubt myself. It's not as depressing as it sounds. It's the reason for this blog title, which you will soon understand :) I know that Jesus has victory. It's why this song has been used time and time again to lead me back to the Gospel. I've told myself numerous times that it should be prayer or studying the Word that leads me back to Jesus...but I've come to realize that when I fail, I can't tell myself to snap out of it and accept grace. I fight the desire to listen to music before praying or reading my bible. I tell myself to do what’s “right” because music shouldn’t be my way to “feel” or “hear” God. But when I do that, I rush through reading or pray insincerely. I have all these false pretenses of what I think I need to do when I’m struggling or needing to be fed spiritually. Yes, reading the Bible and talking to God about it is something that I know I need to do. But I don't think God would have us pray and read our Bibles with an insincere desire to. It’s contingent on the situation and/or person. But in my case, I truly believe that when I don't listen to Him, my friends or family, or the Bible…He uses music to lead me back to the cross where I know I stand in grace.

Today I remembered what music really means to me. It's more than melodies, harmony and words. It's more than an epic song. It's more than a face-melting guitar solo and it's more than a voice that makes me melt or jealous (Brooke Fraser!). It's more than being able to relate to the song. For me, it's about being captured in a specific moment of the song that brings you into those few seconds, whether it be the peak of the build of the song, the voice, what have you. At my lowest where I didn't accept grace, God used music to remind me of His truths about grace and His love for me. I would talk to people who spoke truth to me. But the spiritual battle waging inside of me didn't allow the words of my brothers and sisters in Christ to resonate with me. My flesh told me that they were just saying "that" to get me to shut up and stop complaining. I remember days where I couldn't concentrate on anything except my inadequacy. I didn't want to talk to God, and I didn't want to talk to people. I didn't want to talk at all. I couldn't focus on Jesus in my ministry, bible studies, primetime, or in my relationships with friends and family. So I would put my earbuds in and just listen. Because in those few minutes of melodies and words, reality was gone. My inadequacy was gone. And Jesus came to life for me. It was as if that specific song, chord or lyric was Jesus speaking directly to me. In one specific moment, the intricacies in the orchestration of melodies, emotions and lyrics came to life as Jesus Christ who I so desperately longed for.

This is why I love music, and embrace accusation: this specific period of my life where music truly spoke instead of words. Even God’s word. I always knew that music was huge in my life. But it wasn’t until Spring of 2009 that I realized why, for me, music is vital. My love for it has always existed, but I could never explain what it did to me or what it was for me. It helped me to see why I, and so many others, whether musically inclined or not, “get lost” in the music. And why people say that worship is the best way they can connect with God. God uses it to bring us back to Him when we have the inability rely on Him alone. I write this because I think many of you understand all of this. I probably went deeper than most people would. But this is how I love music...and I wanted to share it with you :)

"...Speak to one another with psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to God the Father for everything..."--Ephesians 5:19

Read my story here: http://uwsi.wordpress.com/2009/11/02/jennys-story/

Jenny

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