"Where words fail, music speaks"--Hans Christian Andersen

I'm not too sure where this blog is headed. All I know is that I want to give a thorough, but condensed reason for the name of this blog. I apologize in advance for a lack of flow, anything that doesn't make sense...and far too deep thoughts!

The following will explain why/how I named this blog. If you have 15 minutes to spare...watch and listen to the links following and you'll understand why I chose this title.

Explanation: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DRdFBAz4qzk
Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FI1sSZ1zTEs

Galatians 3:10-13--All who rely on observing the law are under a curse, for it is written: "Cursed is everyone who does not continue to do everything written in the Book of the Law. "Clearly no one is justified before God by the law, because, "The righteous will live by faith." The law is not based on faith; on the contrary, "The man who does these things will live by them. "Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us, for it is written: "Cursed is everyone who is hung on a tree."

(Verse 3:13 is where the 313 in my URL comes from)

Whether it's in school, relationships with family and friends, leading a bible study, doing ministry or in my faith...I find myself feeling inadequate quite often. If I'm honest, there isn't a day that goes by where I don't doubt myself. It's not as depressing as it sounds. It's the reason for this blog title, which you will soon understand :) I know that Jesus has victory. It's why this song has been used time and time again to lead me back to the Gospel. I've told myself numerous times that it should be prayer or studying the Word that leads me back to Jesus...but I've come to realize that when I fail, I can't tell myself to snap out of it and accept grace. I fight the desire to listen to music before praying or reading my bible. I tell myself to do what’s “right” because music shouldn’t be my way to “feel” or “hear” God. But when I do that, I rush through reading or pray insincerely. I have all these false pretenses of what I think I need to do when I’m struggling or needing to be fed spiritually. Yes, reading the Bible and talking to God about it is something that I know I need to do. But I don't think God would have us pray and read our Bibles with an insincere desire to. It’s contingent on the situation and/or person. But in my case, I truly believe that when I don't listen to Him, my friends or family, or the Bible…He uses music to lead me back to the cross where I know I stand in grace.

Today I remembered what music really means to me. It's more than melodies, harmony and words. It's more than an epic song. It's more than a face-melting guitar solo and it's more than a voice that makes me melt or jealous (Brooke Fraser!). It's more than being able to relate to the song. For me, it's about being captured in a specific moment of the song that brings you into those few seconds, whether it be the peak of the build of the song, the voice, what have you. At my lowest where I didn't accept grace, God used music to remind me of His truths about grace and His love for me. I would talk to people who spoke truth to me. But the spiritual battle waging inside of me didn't allow the words of my brothers and sisters in Christ to resonate with me. My flesh told me that they were just saying "that" to get me to shut up and stop complaining. I remember days where I couldn't concentrate on anything except my inadequacy. I didn't want to talk to God, and I didn't want to talk to people. I didn't want to talk at all. I couldn't focus on Jesus in my ministry, bible studies, primetime, or in my relationships with friends and family. So I would put my earbuds in and just listen. Because in those few minutes of melodies and words, reality was gone. My inadequacy was gone. And Jesus came to life for me. It was as if that specific song, chord or lyric was Jesus speaking directly to me. In one specific moment, the intricacies in the orchestration of melodies, emotions and lyrics came to life as Jesus Christ who I so desperately longed for.

This is why I love music, and embrace accusation: this specific period of my life where music truly spoke instead of words. Even God’s word. I always knew that music was huge in my life. But it wasn’t until Spring of 2009 that I realized why, for me, music is vital. My love for it has always existed, but I could never explain what it did to me or what it was for me. It helped me to see why I, and so many others, whether musically inclined or not, “get lost” in the music. And why people say that worship is the best way they can connect with God. God uses it to bring us back to Him when we have the inability rely on Him alone. I write this because I think many of you understand all of this. I probably went deeper than most people would. But this is how I love music...and I wanted to share it with you :)

"...Speak to one another with psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to God the Father for everything..."--Ephesians 5:19

Read my story here: http://uwsi.wordpress.com/2009/11/02/jennys-story/

Jenny