A painful kind of Love

A significant aspect of my walk has been understanding just a little bit what it means to LOVE. And not just any love. But AGAPE.

Agape is self-denial for the sake of another. Our English word "agony" comes from agape. When I think of agony, I imagine someone being so passionately absorbed in something that it causes us an emotional or perhaps physical pain. Agony is painful. It hurts. Maybe I'm stretching it...but in knowing this...I can't hear "Agape" and not think that it means to love so much that it hurts. Agape is how God loves us. I don't think Agape is God's love because God himself is love. But I believe that God has agape FOR us. He loves us SO much that it hurts him when we choose people before Him. He loves us so much that it hurts Him to see us hurting as He strips us of pride and the things we believe make us happy.

God has given us certain things because He loves us and wants us to be happy. He doesn't just give because He feels like it. An education, friends, family, clothes, an earthly home...even materalistic things like laptops, iPods, cellphones, cars, MONEY, etc. How on earth can we believe that He blesses us with those kinds of things just because he wants to do it for us? Yes...it's true. But he blesses us with all of these things in order for us to use them to worship Him. Ask yourself this...how have you glorified God through your laptop today? How have you used your homework to love God with your heart and mind? How have you loved God today? Have you loved God at all today?

We live our lives striving to be like Him by doing all the stereotypical things of Christian culture. Christian culture tells you to do good things. Christian culture judges those who only go to church on Easter and Christmas. Christian culture believes they have a right to judge those outside of the church at all. Christian culture says that the music at a church was really great. Christian culture makes clones who walk and talk the same.

But Jesus? He makes radical disciples who realize that they're all different because they're the same in God's eyes. Disciples of Jesus understand and believe that musical worship is about worshiping God in His glory, NOT about how they did or didn't or can or couldn't connect with God because of the worship songs played during that service. Jesus tells us that we're inadequate and righteous at the same time. Jesus tells his disciples, us, that we have a duty to love the people who hate Him. Jesus tells us to take up our cross and FOLLOW him. When you're in a caravan, the leader signals so you know where to go and when. We must look for God's blinker and follow Him. We must mimic Him so we can get to where we are meant to be. We must love like Jesus did.

One of the greatest examples of Jesus loving during his ministry is in John 11 when Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead. The book of John refers to Lazarus as someone that Jesus loves (11:3). Shortly after being made aware that Lazarus is sick, Jesus receives news from Lazarus' sisters that he has died. His response to Lazarus's sisters is "Your brother will rise again...I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?" (John 11:23, 25-26). Jesus KNOWS that He is going to rise Lazarus from the dead. Yet...in John 11:35, Jesus weeps. Even though Jesus knew what was going to happen, His heart still broke when he saw someone he loved helpless and dead. Jesus had a physical reaction because of how much he loved Lazarus.

This is how God sees us. He sees us the way Jesus saw Lazarus. Even though he understood that the one whom he loved would rise again...his heart hurt. When we are hurting, God hurts with us. In fact, I believe that it hurts God more. We're not called to live happily. We're called to live our lives in a manner WORTHY OF THE GOSPEL.

Paul was absolutely right when he said "If I have faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing" --1 Corinthians 13: If we are called to love and live like Jesus and follow Him...we must suffer. We must feel pain. We must cry and sacrifice. This is what love is. GOD IS LOVE. Maybe you're thinking that it's too hard to do. It's too hard to love people who hate you. To be blunt and honest...we hate God everyday when we sin. Or you might say...it's too hard to love God when you're spiritual state is in shambles. We must ask our Father for strength and trust that despite how emotional we get...He will remain steady. Jesus is SEATED at the right hand of God. He isn't pacing. He isn't emotional like humans are. Trust that God will love you. Trust that DOES love you. Trust that he will abound grace to you to help you love Him back.

Jesus said "Whatever you did for the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me"--Matthew 25:40. So...this is what you do: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." After you get the slightest glimpse of what that means...other things will come naturally. After you experience true and raw Agape, You will understand just a little (and I mean little) what the Father experienced as He was forced to turn away as His Son endured the wrath of His own Father. It was a holy, burning, passionate, joyful, but painful love. THIS is the greatest love of all.