Safety

Today was a weird day. In a good way. To make a long story short: I experienced anxiety for the 2nd time ever today. I don't mean the kind of anxiety that you feel when you have too much to do and have no idea how it's all going to get done. I mean the anxiety in which you feel constantly restless and unsettled without any reason. It confuses you and leaves you feeling really frustrated because no matter how hard you try...you can't figure out what's going on. You begin to feel really vulnerable...even crazy. 

Even after it all disappeared within a few hours, I found myself beginning to worry that the anxiety would return. Will I be free of this? Or will it continue? Weird, huh? The anxiety disappeared only to have me worry about it. I felt vulnerable and unsafe. Then I stumbled upon this song.

"I find that I'm safe and warm 
in your loving arms. 

You see me
You know me
You love me
Through and through." 

I was so fixated on figuring out why I was anxious that I forgot that my God's deep love for me and desire to know me is my refuge in the midst of something confusing and frustrating like anxiety. The call to follow Jesus has no guarantee of safety (in fact it calls for the opposite, check out Matthew 10:16). Jesus does not promise safety...but he promises refuge. Refuge is a place where we can dwell and be kept from harm.

"In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety." -Psalm 4:8

"You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance." -Psalm 32:7

 "He is a shield for all who take refuge in him." -2 Samuel 22:31 

"It is good to be near God." -Psalm 73:28 

"Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him...The LORD redeems the life of his servants; none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned." -Psalm 34:8, 22 

"In all circumstances, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one." - Ephesians 6:16

"The man who makes me his refuge will inherit the land and possess my holy mountain." - Isaiah 57:13 

"The LORD will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom. To him be glory for ever and ever. Amen." -2 Timothy 4:18 

These verses don't say "God will provide complete safety." They say "God is a shelter when life begins to throw unsafe things at you." These verses also don't say "God will be there for you when life gets hard." To say that is a direct slap in His face. It belittles Him! He's not just "there" for you.

He's everywhere for you.

He goes before you without leaving you behind. He guards you and watches you from behind without letting you get too far ahead of yourself. He's above you without being distant. He's Emmanuel, with you while being everywhere else all at once.

Jesus says "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28). He doesn't say "Come to me all who are weary and I'll take it all away." To grant rest to us during a tiring circumstance is not the same as taking it away. To take it away would be to give us the easy way out. How are we supposed to be made more like Christ without experiencing things He did?

"If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." -Luke 16:23

Jesus' cross was to carry our weight of sin. We will never have to carry that weight. He empathizes with me, with YOU in your sin because he already walked through the sin and took the blame for it.

"But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed. All like sheep we have gone astray; we have turned--every one--to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all." -Isaiah 53:5-6

Often, I try to comprehend what Jesus actually felt as he bore the weight of the world's sin by combining into one moment all the times I've ever felt guilt and shame. It makes me sick to my stomach to try to comprehend carrying the weight of sin for even one more person. My human nature would never be able to do that.

But this is not about what I can or cannot do. It's about what Jesus has finished. It overwhelms me and literally brings me to tears that Jesus did that for everyone. 

I have a God...Jesus...who sees me, knows me and loves me through and through because he gets it. 

This is my God.

He loves me through and through. 

Through bearing the weight of my sin, our sin. Through our idolization of people, things and places. Through our unfaithfulness. Through wanting to leave him because it's just too hard. Through our daily denial of Him. But he's loving us through all of it and waiting for us to return to the safety of His love and arms.

"Come, let us return to the LORD; for he has torn us, that he may heal us; he has struck down, and he will bind us up. After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will rise up, that we may life before him. Let us know; let us press on to know the LORD; his going out is sure as the dawn; he will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth." -Hosea 6:1-3

Even when I'm frustrated and sad that I was invited to NINE weddings this summer, none of which are even close to being mine, I am not alone...because God is everywhere. Even when my sin seems beyond forgiveness, I am redeemed because of his blood shed on the cross. When my dream of being in East Asia seems out of reach, God is closer than my skin is to my bones. When I feel like I'll never be good enough, I am reminded that in Christ, I don't need to strive to be anything except what He says I am

In Christ, we are redeemed, loved, known and seen by God. Not because we did anything. But all because of his great love for us. This is safety. This is refuge and it is nothing that I need to look for. It's here. It's everywhere, because God is everywhere.